The Countdowns (Worst Movies of all time)

Posted: August 26, 2015 by hieiyyh2 in The Countdowns
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Welcome one and all to another edition of the countdown.  It is here where you will find out just what I think is awesome, crappy, snarky, nerdy, and SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN MADE.  So without further ado.  Lets jump right in to the dark dank waters of film and countdown.  The Top Ten Worst Movies of all time.

10. Super Mario Brothers: If you thought this movie wasn’t going to make the list you are dead wrong.  Let me ask you.  When you think of Super Mario do you think about a plumber and his brother who get sucked into an alternate world. Where Dinosaurs still exist and the royal family of this world were turned into a fungus that is sentient.  And the bad guy is a man bent on crossing over to the human world and de-evolving the inhabitants of our world?  OR do you think about a chubby dude in blue overalls with a red shirt and a red cap.  Jumping on angry looking mushrooms and fighting a giant lizard thing to rescue a princess?  If you said the first part than you would be right….. wait?  No This movie was just plain terrible.  Who likes this movie you ask?


9. Dungeons & Dragons: How do you screw up a movie about high adventure, high magic and the bonds of friendship triumphing over evil……  You make it a serious film with idiotic dialog and have no connection to what makes the game great.  That is how you ruin a film like Dungeons & Dragons.

8. Fantastic Four (Reboot): Do not get me wrong, I wanted this movie to do good.  The Fantastic Four are the first family of Comics.  They started it all and brought comics into popularity.  This film is an example of why studios need to allow directors who know and love the material, room and TIME to create their vision.  Not have a hand in everything and force a movie to release because your competitors just released an awesome blockbuster.  I honestly believe their is a rebooted Fantastic Four on the cutting room floor that would have been better than what we got.

7.  Dragonball Evolution: A prime example of why America needs to leave Japanese source materials to the Japanese.  If you want to piss off the fans of a franchise to the point where they want to burn your studio to the ground.  Here is what you do.  Take what they love, wipe your ass with it, piss on it, burn it, and than create a story mashing together every plot of the original story into 90 mins and think Thats good enough.  NO.  Give a me one second while I found out who Produ……. FOX!  YOU MOTHER #*$&

………………….Please excuse us while we deal with technical difficulties………………………..

mmmmhmmmm sorry I just had an out burst.  Next Film

6.  Twilight:  Before you scream at me for being a hater.  Here me out on this.  The director of the first film I like her work.  She directed one of my favorite movies (Lords of Dogtown) so I gave the film a shot.  But when your movie puts me to sleep in under twenty mins…… Yeah it’s bad.  Not because I hate the franchise (for many good reasons).  Not because the writer of the screenplay had little to work with in ways of dialog.  But because when your Actors come out and say they hate their characters and that “This is just a paycheck for me.” (Paraphrasing).  When your actors think the author is a terrible writer.  That is why this movie is on this list.  Actually all for movies are in this spot.  Congratulations to you Stephanie Meyer.  Each progressive movie got more and more asinine and convoluted to a point where the last two movies had more jump cuts in it than Freddie Krueger playing jump rope and cutting peoples throats.

5. Hackers: Believe me when I tell you.  I put this movie on this list and I secretly enjoy this film.  This movie is a guilty pleasure for me.  You have a good idea, you make it cyberpunky and than you throw in technical terms that don’t exist.  You throw in counter hacker measures that don’t exist.  To quote Romero from Mr. Robot.  “I have been in this game for twenty seven years and not once have I ever seen a singing virus.” The movie is hackie, outdated, rediculous.  But it has a certain charm to it that I love.

4.  Chairman of the Board: Why anyone thinks Carrot Top is funny is beyond me.  But to put him in a film (unless it is a stoner movie) and have try to be funny for 90+ minutes…. Yes I wanted to gouge a screw driver into my eye socket.  That seemed more entertaining than this movie.  The plot made no sense even the characters didn’t get it.

3. In The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale:  Not even Jason Statham’s celeberity appeal could save this atrocity of a movie.  The Production value was shitty, the dialog was less than subpar.  Even for Uwe Boll this movie was just plain BAD!  I don’t care if Uwe Boll will want to box me for say this movie is a piece of crap, I am calling it like I see it.

2. BloodRayne: Another of the Uwe Boll movies.  How do you screw up a sexy vampire chick in leather…. Well you do everything that went on in this movie.  That is how.  Uwe some how made this game that was fun to play, turned into a movie that made people think Uwe Boll would have been a better porn director.

1. Alone In The Dark: Finally We come to number one and I am sad to say it is yet another Uwe Boll film.  Alone in the Dark should have been left there….. Christian Slater…. love the actor but he has to pick better films to be in.  Lucky for Christian he went on to better things….. But as for this movie.  I solely believe that it was this movie that cemented Uwe Boll’s place as the Number One Worst Director of all time.  Knocking Ed Wood Jr. off his long standing pedestal.

This concludes another countdown.  I hope you enjoyed and as always please leave comments tell us what your top 10 is.  Happy Reading


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